I can say that divorce is hard on those who have feelings towards their spouse. It matters not whether male or female, gender should not matter. A selfish person whether male or female will be able to move forward and start again.
I do agree that if your lacking emotional support while facing this devastating time, the world will collapse on you. For every one heartbroken man going through a divorce, there are a hundred women. Most women just want an honest loyal man to love and protect them. Men are always looking for something better or still want to live a single life.
My husband wants a divorce because he said he was used to being alone for 18 yrs. I also had been alone 18 yrs when I met him. I too had a hard time. But he stating closing off and I kept trying. I moved out, divorce is still in process, and I saw him and he already removed his ring. Any opinions why he removed it before divorce was final? He always had an excuse even though he picked it out. All of a sudden when it arrived, it was too bulky. I think in your case, maybe he thought the divorce is in motion so why continue to wear the ring.
Just a guess. This article is so condescending to all men. First, you imply that the wrongful masculinity of men leads them be in pain because of their own fault. This article takes no account of the cruel and sexist divorce laws that favor woman financially and with custody laws — regardless if the woman was the cause of the divorce. Gents please make shore that you take the time to teach your sons and yes your daughters the power of a prenup.
Then later when they too have a week moment and chose to take a knee at least we know that the proposal comes along with the prenup. Then if their partner disagrees, we know that our children are educated and informed enough to understand that this partner is not the one for their future. Keep up with the latest vehicles and still have more than enough for any unfortunate and unexpected issues if they arise. But alas when the divorce lawyers see all of that wonderful family wealth amassed and waiting for the pickings.
All the while your asked to PLEASE be respectful and mindful with a positive and happy attitude during times of dialog. Because this has been a very difficult decision and is proving to be a very trying time for incredibly brave soon to be exwife. Just as the smoke is clearing, you look at what was and the very little left for you, just enough to pay your lawyers bill. So that she can keep the wonderful life that you have already provided for you one true love up until that point.
You know the stay-at-home mother, the go out to lunch with the girls, training classes to keep trim, day spa days and serum treatments to keep her face young and beautiful for you. What about women who are good wives but end up with some bastard who constantly cheats and gives her a disease? All that time she spent raising babies and not pursuing her career…. She must continue in misery? She contributed nothing to the family the man helped create? F off.
These days marry a spouse that earns as much as you or earns at least enough. Have none or just one child. Have separate bank accounts. Cut all bills and expenses down the middle. Sounds unromantic? I could not have said it better. You are so right, the whole court system is completely one sided. What a flawed system. In my life, I try very hard to not give anyone the power to hurt me. Live the beat life that I am able.
Sole financial supporter, 5 fabulous kids, 4 who have launched successfully much to my credit plus their hard work and using all of the best things that their parents showed them. Mostly by me. They all have private college educations paid for by dad. Dad provided a very comfortable life for the kids and mommy. Mommy was a wonderful woman. I believe that wonderful woman is still in there somewhere hidden amount her self induced unhappiness with herself, pride, delusion, choosing the wrong friends, never adopting the fact that good family is more important to a person than good friends.
When friends are dopes and she buys their BS amd commiseration, the poor decision is made to ask for divorce. Our intimacy was epic. A person must themselves continue to remember and find the reasons that they ever committed to a person through sacred vows, to stay in Love with them.
As much about ourselves as the leaving spouse, in this case, her. Divorce laws are horrible for men. They encourage women who have not contributed financially to blow up a family with no consequences. If a leaving spouse just left, they leave with the clothes on their back. If the one leaving is a true abuser, unwilling to rehabilitate if abused if alcohol or drugs or unfaithfulness, take him to the cleaners.
They would not leave and would out a hell of a lot more effort into finding their innate happiness and not expect someone to make all the money, be a great dad, a romantic partner and figure how to be grateful to God for not having other terrible problems that have no SOLITIONS. Death of a child, cancer… real problems.
Living a great life after divorce is the best revenge. And, yes, karmic revenge is exactly what Men, stay very very close to your children. She will try to steal hem from you. Never miss that opportunity, never let the ex to make play dates and sleep overs an excuse for her to be free of them for even a night.
You pick them up from school rather than letting your kids go on a friends bus so mom can have a play day. Never pass up a minute with them. Take off days to be with them. Mom will have the bigger problem of having dates, sleeping at some guys house and bringing a man into her life with the kids around. Rather than letting her pawn them off even for a few times outs you in the drivers seat. Your kids bind 2x harder to you. You love them as much or more than she does. Show it always.
Win them back. It will take her badge of motherhood honor away. Moms use kids as a shield to make themselves look less undesirable. Shutting down her righteousness gives you piece of mind. She will never be whole if she left without putting skin in the game. A stay at home mother and homemaker has far less skim in the game of life than the sole or major breadwinner.
Taking care of your kids is a breeze if you love them. Interesting Adam that you boil it down to money and control. A much cheaper solution! Here are the options: Option 1. Wives try and raise problems, get shut down with Option1 until eventually they give up and go quiet very dangerous — the divorce petition follows.
So it ends up a very expensive option. Option 2. Most guarantee of success, the EMPIRE stays intact, you get even happier, kids happy — the cheapest and best option in the long run. Option 3. ReplaceForANewerModel — very, very very expensive. So why do men go for this as the first option? Look at your response and many of the females on a MALE focused article. You cannot handle a male recovering from a BPD or Narc wife. Most women want only control and money.
Lawyers immediately go for money once the divorce is filed for AND inflate costs. As for counseling — most females give up first. I think the point of the article got lost on a few posters. The point is, that women tend to process the losses in divorce because of the nurture instincts innate to our gender. This instinct allow us to reach out for support and help.
Unlike men who have more provider instincts. No matter the cause or who initiates, the article is only stating why men have a harder time…. Do men really face more problems? By what measures? What are the stats on those benchmarks? What would it change if it was true?
Are there different emotional pitfalls that we must try to avoid or is it just a difference in statistics over a similar set of post divorce unhealthy situations? That is the difference between men and women during times of adversity. Women surround themselves with a good support system or, join groups.
Most men have a tendency to go it alone which, I believe, plays a role in the reason divorce can be harder on them. Exactly i have no one to support me.. Simple garbage. Without a prenup, women typically get the kids, maintenance and most of the properties which is the norm.
This has fuck all to do with psychologists. It is clear that this article was written by a women. It is time that the laws change to protect men. Done women like me end up with nothing. Because the man hid all the assets before it got to court. Women are left to struggle with children while the men go off and carry on a single life. Absolute nonsense. Traditional gender roles are very much the same as they ever were for men but now with the added pressures that women can now act with impunity and the state will invariably side with them.
The benefits of a modern marriage or even any relationship with a woman are difficult to define. As a man part of my growing up and self devolopment has been to acknowledge my mistakes and short comings and to either improve or accept my limitations, that is the understood default for men, women have to now accept that too.
For centuries women were born and men were made; personal growth is hard, illusions are broken, women must abandon feminism and join men in a collective, collaborative future based soundly on realities not childlike delusion. I reached out. Many figured it was because i must have been a horrible person. I was left alone to deal with the uphill legal battle and financial ruin. I did learn that if you sign a marriage license you just gave away your rights and asked the state to rule over your marriage and take the primary position in a 3-way partnership.
You forget one thing: Men always lose in the family court. Not only do women get child custody in most cases, the woman also gets his house, his pension etc, and he is stuck with alimony even if the woman has a good job. Thank you. A young man in his early 20s would be a total dumb ss to marry in any Western country. Women are willing to modify their schedules because they know they only have to say so to get massive child support and alimony payments. But if man were tondo this he would be far less likely to receive such court ordered payments and likely have to endure a costly court battle to do so.
I fought like a bear to get more custody of my daughter. All it did was extend the divorce and increase the cost after they brought in state approve evaluators. I filed a motion to enforce my custody and all the court did is refer it back to the friend of the court. The whole thing might change if free attorneys were provided. My income went down because of Covid lay-off and I reported my income went down. The very schedule I took her to court to enforce and the court did nothing.
Just so all you men know it works both ways. I worked and amassed the fortune while I ran the house which most women do wether they work or not. He took care of our kids but had plenty of personal time while they were in preschool, kindergarten, K, play dates, camp,…you get the picture. Oh I might add that I was expected to take over when I got home after a 10 hour day, multi city trip, … because he had a hard, long day.
I still want to save this relationship. I think he wants me to file, to relish in the devastation of the aftermath. Hurt people hurt. It helps me process. In fact there has been many bailouts. My daughter is ready to move out. That was the final straw. The reason men have a harder time dealing with a divorce than women do is because men and women are total polar opposites in nearly every way!
Because of evolution and simply put, hypergamy, that is hard wired in every womans brain makes it much easier for women to overcome any relationship hardship including divorce in comparison to men.
This comes from thousands of years of evolution through natural selection. Men get screwed over, women make off like a queen. Men have nothing but losses in a divorce whether it be financial, family, child custody… Not to mention the emotional loss of family, a partner, a life, a future. What about the women that are verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abused by their so-called loving husbands??? Should they stay in that kind of marriage?!
Peace of mind and respect are what many women want. What I noticed after a Divorce was the social network women have that helps them in a Divorce Recovery. It was fascinating to walk into a restaurant and notice booths with 4 maybe 5 women sitting laughing and engaged in animated talk about anything and everything. When leaving they all gave each other hugs. Now where were the men? Sitting alone at the bar staring into their Beers with a hang dog look on their face.
What advice would I give other men? Live your life the way you damm well please and ignore all the shoulds and have to s around you! My wife struggled to divorce me at first but her friends supported her and encouraged her. She calls them her BFF forever for the decision. Men must usually pay most of their disposable income to the ex-spouse. This limits his ability to move on and rebuild. Hard to form new friendships or romantic relationships when you are forever struggling to just pay the bills and have lost most of your assets.
Women can find a new romantic partner and then be in a position of receiving financial support from two men. Not even fellow men. My parents had infidelity in their marriage and it was hell to live in that house. There was no way I was going to live through that again.
We were good roommates. But when she told me she wanted a divorce, I realized I did too. Nothing too serious, but definitely flirting. I always thought I wanted kids. But when it was time to actually have them, I had no desire.
Kids were a deal-breaker for her, so I knew we needed to split. She deserved to have the life she wanted and so did I. I was just jealous that she was getting out of her marriage. It firmed up that I needed to do the same. So, I told her I wanted a divorce. When our youngest left for college, the house felt so lonely. My wife and I no longer had anything in common and we both knew we needed to split. A year later, we got a divorce.
In my 40s, I began taking meds and found a good therapist. My life improved in a variety of ways. I felt more energetic, was happier at work, and started working out and getting into shape. My wife kept saying she missed the old me. I knew that I needed a supportive partner if I wanted to continue along this positive path. Thanks for helping me with the checklist.
Only thing daunting activity is the lawyer finding. It triggers unaffordable for me. Gonna still do the first rule and not not do nothing LOL. Amen man. This is the hardest part of my life. Also, the legal system in most countries are not bipartisan on the matter severely outdated when it comes to divorce proceedings and will in most circumstances be in favour of women.
This never boded well because the sacrifices of men is always downplayed and festers into resentment. It will influence any future interaction between the two parties. This is of special importance, especially when there are kid s involved.
The standard outcome are 1. Walking away. Everything else is cosmetic. Most men through social conditioning are straight forward when it comes to emotional responses. I cleaned my life up 6 years ago. Before then i was worthless. I did everything i could to help her.
I came home all the time to my wife and her mother getting high in front of my kids. It got to the point she was bringing friends over getting high with them.
While i was at work. Come home to people in my room and in my bathroom. Would not discuss anything with me. I lost my mind. Then check myself in a hospital. I didnt know what to do. I came home and she had most of my house moved out. Bank drained. I kept asking her what is going on. I was lost! She moved all my stuff in side her friends garage. My lawyer asked me if I want to file for emergency custody I told him no.
I was hoping she would change her mind and realize she messed up. I was wrong. After being to myself for a little while i met some one. In all reality she just wanted to break the relationship up she did not want to see me happy.
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